How to Get Along with Your Spouse
How To Resolve Money Problems
How to Get Along with Your Spouse (and Others)
When your spouse does something wrong, how do you react?

Some spouses like to blame. “You really embarrassed me when you told that stupid joke. You make me want to stay at home.”

Other spouses prefer to criticize. “You’re so fat it makes me sick.”

Getting even is also a favorite response. “Well, because you were flirting with Chris, I decided to flirt with Pat.”

By blaming, criticizing or getting even with your spouse, you are trying to be AT CAUSE by putting your spouse AT EFFECT. Unfortunately, putting your spouse AT EFFECT is harmful to your relationship. Just because your parents reacted badly toward each other is no reason you need to continue the tradition.

CAUSE AND EFFECT =================

When it comes to situations and relationships, you are either at a cause point or an effect point. When you paint a wall, you are at cause over the paint and the color of the wall. When you spill paint all over your clothes, you are at the effect of that paint.

There are two types of relationships:

1. CAUSE-EFFECT is the most common type of relationship. As in the examples above, you take command of the relationship and put someone else at the effect of you or the problem.

For example, husband John says, “Mary, you ran over the neighbor’s gate. How could you be so stupid?”

John might feel at cause over the gate problem, but Mary will feel effect.

2. In a CAUSE-CAUSE relationship, you assume a cause point yourself AND you allow or encourage others to assume the cause point as well. This idea comes from L. Ron Hubbard who writes:

If Mary burns the toast, John accepts responsibility for this action. This does not mean that he assumes all the responsibility and leaves none for Mary. It means that he assumes all the responsibility and that Mary assumes all the responsibility, too. They both assume all the responsibility. Under such an arrangement, no one can be blamed. All their attention goes into doing better with the toast, and none of it is wasted in blame.

Mary runs the family automobile into the neighbor’s gate. The neighbor rushes over in a huff and encounters John in the front yard. The neighbor says, `You just ruined my gate!’ John goes with the neighbor to look at the gate and at the car. Sure enough, there is blue paint on the gate and white paint on the car. The evidence is conclusive. John agrees with the neighbor that the gate has been damaged by John’s car and he asks the neighbor to have it repaired and send him the bill. The neighbor says that the damage is not very great and so he will repair it himself. John lends him the tools and helps him to repair the gate. John insists on buying a can of white paint, and the neighbor says he will enjoy painting the gate on Sunday. He apologizes for being so excited at first. They shake hands.

John goes into the house, and Mary says, `Dear, I hit the Jones’s gate with the car.’ John says, `Yes, I know. We’ve already repaired it.” Mary says, `I’m sorry. I was thinking about the bathroom curtains.’ John says, `That’s all right. What about the bathroom curtains?’ Mary says, I want to dye them blue.’ John says, `That’s a good idea.’

If nobody is to blame for the damage to the gate, a constructive subject like dyeing the curtains will immediately attract John’s and Mary’s attention, since it represents future action.” —L. Ron Hubbard

Cause-cause relations are teamwork at its very best. You and your spouse accept responsibility for all of the actions of each other. You spread an umbrella of responsibility.

Imagine no arguments or upsets with your spouse. Imagine never trading insults or hurtful comments.

Making a cause-cause relationship with your spouse is the road to a happy marriage.

Give it a try!
How To Resolve Money Problems
1. Stop spending

2. Worry

3. Blame someone or something

4. Give up

5. Go further into debt

6. Sell a possession

7. Become depressed

8. Complain

9. Cheat or steal

10. Hope

Of course, none of these solutions help you gain more money.

However, this solution is effective.

“I answer money problems with lots of money, not with worry or sadness or impractical hope.” — L. Ron Hubbard

You solve your money problems by making money. No other approach is a solution. An abundance of money is your only solution.

Recommendations

1. Figure out how much money you need. Write the total at the top of a page. For example, “I need to earn $10,000 per month.”

2. List all of your assets. Include all of your possessions, your skills, your knowledge, your contacts and your passions. These are some or all of the ingredients to your ultimate success, so make the list as complete as possible.

Examples: You have a truck, a camera, an empty bedroom and $11,225 cash. You are good at organizing, listening, learning, speaking and making people feel important. You know all about horses, word processors, furniture building, the State of Texas, Internet auctions and using email. You know Jennifer, Robert, Dorothy, Steve, Dave, etc. You have a passion to help others, build model airplanes, solve complex problems, learn new things and more.

3. Dream up every way you can use your assets to make money. Make a list. Old methods, new methods, any combination of assets that produce income.

Examples: Use your empty bedroom to start a small business selling cameras, furniture and jewelry for others at Internet auctions. Learn how to prepare tax returns. Help your boss make deliveries with your truck.

4. Select a method that is proven. Does this method already make money for someone else?

If so, it is a good candidate.

If no one has ever made money with your idea, look for something else. Stick to methods that already work and invent new methods as a hobby at some other time.

5. Verify that others would pay you for the product or service.

For example, ask your boss, “Did you know I know 150 horse owners. They need shelters for their horses. What if I tested the market to see if we could add portable shelters to our product line. If it works out, I would be willing to run the new division.”

As another example, you are thinking of taking pictures as a profession. So you meet with professional photographers to see how much money they make.

Ask around. For instance, ask your friends “If I had my own insurance company and could save you money on your car and home insurance, would you be interested?” “If I made a video on how to cut children’s hair, would you buy it?”

6. If all the signs are good, test the idea in the real world before devoting much time or energy to the idea. For example, run a part-time business from your house to ensure it will be popular and profitable. Make a few products or services to see if anyone will buy them. Try the new ad campaign with a small newspaper. Dip your toe before taking the plunge, especially if the idea is new.

7. Once the idea is certain to work, then and only then should you invest significant time and money into the project.

8. If you cannot work out a workable income source, work out a plan to increase your assets. If you have the right ingredients, creating new income sources is much easier.

For example, you may need additional education, apprenticing or experience in certain fields before you can earn more income. You may need to become more responsible. You may need more familiarity with a subject. You may need to make more contacts.

9. Once you have a plan you are certain will work, work long and hard to make it happen. You will solve your money problems by making more money on your own.

10. This final step is rarely taken, but is key to becoming wealthy.

“I never count on any one source. I always plan to get the total sum of all the money I need from each one of three or four ways or sources.” — L. Ron Hubbard

After you have one steady source of income, look for another source by repeating these steps.
Copyright © 2003 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard. Programmed in the United States.