Moving Past Grief
The Power of Passion
Avoidance vs. Confronting
How to Make Great Decisions
Moving Past Grief
Jim and Nancy fall in love at their first high school dance. They see each other every day and talk on the phone every night. Jim looks forward to their marriage and a life together.

The day after their high school graduation, Nancy says, “I’m sorry Jim, but I want to date other guys now. Please don’t call me again.”

Jim pleads, yells and sulks. He tries letters, flowers, cards. He talks to Nancy's family and friends. Nothing changes Nancy's mind. He asks himself every hour, “How can I get her back? Why did she really leave me? What did I do wrong?”

Jim stops eating, stops smiling, refuses to talk to his friends. He loses interest in life and spends hours watching television in his room.

His mother tells him not to worry. “Time heals all wounds.”

But after a few months, Jim is not over his loss. He can't get her out of his mind. Time heals nothing.

A friend says, “You need to wash away your troubles with some beer!” So Jim gives it a try. It seems to help! Jim feels better . . . for an hour. Then he sees a girl with hair like Nancy's and gets tears in his eyes. Another beer makes it worse. The next morning, Jim realizes beer is no solution.

Another friend says, “The best way to get over Nancy is to find a new girlfriend!” So Jim goes out on a date with Jill. Her perfume reminds him of Nancy, her laugh sounds like Nancy's. The music reminds him of Nancy. He wants to go home and just think about Nancy. The date is a disaster.

Jim loses interest in school. A counselor gives him a booklet on depression. “Of course,” Jim thinks, “I need professional help.” So he goes to a psychiatrist who gives him a prescription. The pills make him feel wooden, but Nancy is still on his mind most of the time.

The psychiatrist tells Jim's dad that Jim needs to take the pills forever. His dad gets angry and throws away the pills. He tells Jim, “Just get over it!” Jim goes to his room and cries.

Failure, loss and death are parts of life. You lose pets, jobs, businesses, homes, friends, lovers and family members. Major losses can change your life forever. For most people, the only options to the pain are drugs, alcohol or time, none of which really help.

L. Ron Hubbard discovered two ways to get on with your life after a loss.

1. Shift Your Attention

You can help someone whose attention is on a loss by asking this question over and over.

Tell the person you are going to help them. Tell him or her, ‘Find something that isn't reminding you of ______ (name of person he or she lost).’

Repeat the command, getting the person to find something else that is not reminding him or her of the person until he or she has a realization and feels better about the situation.

This simple procedure can help the person recover from his or her lost love and begin to live again.” — L. Ron Hubbard

You decide to help Jim get over his break up with Nancy.

You tell Jim, “Let me help you get over Nancy, okay? Here we go. Find something that isn't reminding you of Nancy.”

Jim looks around the room for a little while. “That mirror doesn't remind me of Nancy.”

You say, “Okay” and repeat the instruction: “Find something that isn't reminding you of Nancy.”

The drapes.”

You say “Okay” and repeat the command: “Find something that isn't reminding you of Nancy.”

The couch. Oh, Nancy sat there. I sure miss her. Okay, that box of Cheerios.”

ll right. Find something that isn't reminding you of Nancy.”

That plant. . . .”

After repeating this question a few dozen times, Jim's eyes become bright and he smiles. “Nancy who? To heck with that. I feel better! Let's get something to eat.”

While it might take a few minutes or a few hours, Jim will snap out of it.

The technique works equally well with the loss of a job, a business, money—anything you or the person you are helping wants to stop thinking about.

2. Erase the Emotional Pain

Harmful memories are stored in the mind at a conscious and unconscious level. These memories ruin marriages, careers and your confidence. They cause unfounded fears, unreasonable anger and irrational behavior. You carry this mental baggage wherever you go. Harmful memories cause you to act in ways that are not really YOU.

Dianetics eliminates the influence of these destructive memories. The Grolier Encyclopedia defines Dianetics as: “A form of counseling for curing emotional and psychosomatic illnesses and enhancing life” (psychosomatic illnesses: health problems stemming from the mind).

When you receive Dianetics counseling, you talk about your past in a certain way until the emotional pain stops. The depression, grief and anxiety caused by your memories are gone forever.

Benefits

When you reduce the emotional pain of memories, you enjoy these benefits:

* More energy

* Increased control

* Interest in new activities

* More self-confidence

* Higher intelligence

* Better health

* Reduced need for drugs, alcohol or medicine

* Less fear of failure

To learn more about Dianetics, click here.
The Power of Passion
Improving this single attitude makes your days fly by. You wake up excited to work. You make the right decisions. You get more done in less time.

Improving this attitude affects everyone around you. They believe in you, trust you and want to support you.

This one attitude can change your entire life for the better.

A vital attitude for you to constantly improve is YOUR PASSION.

On a scale of 1 to 10, exactly how excited are you right now? Do you really want to succeed? Are you thrilled with your goals for today?

If not, you must generate some passion for your day, your week and your career.

Leadership

To succeed you must be a leader, if only a leader of one person: you.

"In all great leaders there is a purpose and intensity which is unmistakable." — L. Ron Hubbard

Remember how former President Reagan had UNMISTAKABLE seniority when he met with Communist leaders? Have you noticed how the best speeches of politicians, ministers or actors always include high-volume intensity? The same applies to the most successful people.

"A man who merely wants to be liked will never be a leader. A broad examination of history shows clearly that men follow those they respect. Respect is a recognition of inspiration, purpose and competence and personal force or power." — L. Ron Hubbard

Passion is a self-generated tool. You have the ability to motivate yourself; to concentrate on your purpose; to get yourself excited about what you do.

Your attitude sets the mood for everyone around you. They get excited if you are excited. If you are fascinated, so are they. Recommendations you give to others that come from the heart have a greater impact.

You Can Never Be Too Passionate

Everyone can increase their purpose and intensity.

When you organize all of your activities toward one focused goal, you not only feel more joy in what you are doing, you get more accomplished.

Sometimes it helps to find things that make you passionate. For example, for which of these objectives can you generate the most passion and intensity?

Reaching a specific goal

Accomplishing a certain level of perfection

Making a great deal of money

Going back to an original purpose

Beating a challenge

Filling your life with as much happiness as possible

Fulfilling a duty to yourself or your family

Helping a great number of people

Creating a superior reputation

Building a highly-successful business

Helping others achieve success

Becoming the best at what you do

Hitting a specific statistical target

Earning enough money to buy something you really need or want

Making a positive impact on society

There is nothing stronger than a leader with a firm direction and passion to get there.
Avoidance vs. Confronting
What do you avoid? What projects never get done? What situations do you hate?

Managers and business owners who avoid computers are less efficient, less informed and work harder than those who take the time to learn and use this incredible tool. Managers who avoid staff confrontations have problems with staff. Business owners who avoid asking their customers what they want fail to produce useful products and services.

Parents who avoid their children’s problems end up raising juvenile delinquents. Spouses who avoid discussing their marriage problems get in arguments or worse.

Anyone who avoids working ends up stressed out, unhappy and broke.

The person who studiously avoids work usually works far longer and far harder than the man who pleasantly confronts it and does it.” — L. Ron Hubbard

Let's say you have a stack of paperwork to do. Instead of simply taking a few hours and doing the work, you avoid it for a few weeks. The stack increases and now includes requests wondering about the delayed paperwork. A two-hour project becomes a ten-hour problem.

Avoidance never works. If you avoid discussions about money, you end up with more money problems. If you avoid telling people how you really feel, you become lonely. If you hate change, you miss opportunities.

If you want to feel powerful and in control, list out what you should be doing. Make a complete list.

Next, decide which item is the hardest, the most difficult to do. Which job do you hate the most?

Now, go confront it and do it as soon as possible! Better yet, PLEASANTLY confront it and do it.

Force yourself. Ignore those excuses. Make it your highest priority. Do not stop until it is done.

As a result, you will discover two facts: The project itself is not that hard to do and, because you got the most difficult action out of the way, everything else you need to do will be easier.

This may seem like a brutal way to create improvement, but it is fast and guaranteed to work.

To create a better tomorrow, pleasantly blast through your most difficult, most challenging problems today.

How to Make Great Decisions
How to Make Great Decisions

To succeed, you need self-confidence. Luckily, self-confidence is easy to obtain.

SELF-CONFIDENCE is nothing more than belief in one's ability to decide and in one's decisions.” — L. Ron Hubbard

Everyone has made bad decisions: choosing friends who stab you in the back, saying the wrong thing to your spouse, spending your money unwisely. Yet to succeed and have self-confidence, you must make decisions.

When you are afraid of decisions, you build up stress, create confusion and make people wait. When you put off making decisions, you miss important opportunities.

The worst way to make decisions is to take a vote. Asking for people’s opinions is like saying, “I don’t have any self-confidence. Please tell me what to decide.”

The first thing you need to decide is that you can make good decisions.

And how do you make good decisions?

Given information and the purpose, anybody can make a decision.” — L. Ron Hubbard

Decision making is like playing cards. If you know the cards each player is holding, you make great decisions and win all the money.

To make good decisions, you simply need enough information.

15 Questions to Answer Before Deciding

You can make all of your own decisions on your own. From starting a business to changing careers, buying a house to choosing a vacation. Any decision is easy to make.

First, list all of your options.

For example, Steve is trying to decide about buying a new car. His choice is not “to buy or not to buy.” In this case, he actually has three choices: 1) buy the $60,000 new BMW, 2) buy the $30,000 used Acura, 3) fix up and keep the old Toyota.

As another example, Bob asks Dorothy to marry him. Dorothy looks it over and decides she has four choices: 1) Marry Bob immediately, 2) Marry Bob after a long engagement, 3) Don’t marry Bob, but keep dating him, 4) Don’t marry Bob and stop dating him.

Once you have listed out your options, find the answers to these 15 questions for each of your options. You will know some of these answers and can find out the others.

Somewhere along the line, your best correct decision will be obvious.

1. What is the goal or purpose of each option?

Steve writes, “1) The purpose of the BMW is to ride in style and luxury while impressing the heck out of my friends. 2) The purpose of the Acura is to have comfortable transportation without big loan payments. 3) The purpose of Toyota is have good reliable transportation at a small cost.”

Dorothy examines the purpose of each of her options. She writes, “1) The purpose of marrying Bob immediately is to move on with our lives together. 2) The purpose of a long engagement is to leave plenty of room for me to change my mind. 3) The purpose of not marrying, but continuing to date Bob is to learn more about him without a commitment. 4) The purpose of not seeing Bob any longer is to look for someone else. Well, I can eliminate this last option as I’m sick of looking and really do love Bob.”

2. How do the purposes of each option align with your goals?

Steve writes, “My goal is to drive something comfortable I can be proud of, but not consume all of my extra money. The Acura fits that goal best.”

Dorothy writes, “I have the goal to get married, so the first two options line up with that goal.”

3. What are the statistics for each choice? Each of your options has statistics.

Steve can learn maintenance costs, resale value costs, miles per gallon and so on.

Dorothy can check out Bob’s statistics in life. How well does he keep his word? How much money does he make? What happened with his past relationships?

When hiring an employee, his or her statistics in life and at the last job are important.

When deciding on a job, a career, a relationship, a new business or anything, you can find the track records.

4. Finances? Two vital questions: What will each option cost? How much money will each return? The cost is not a barrier if the predicted return is greater than the cost.

5. Sequences? Most people forget to look at the exact steps involved with each solution. For example, you are notified by mail, “Congratulations! You have won either a deluxe AM/FM radio, $500 cash, a 60" TV or a cruise to Alaska!” You decide to go claim your prize. You never read the fine print or ask what steps are involved. After a four-hour Mexico condo timeshare sales pitch, you get a coupon for a cheap radio.

If I decide to buy the BMW, what happens next?” You might realize you need to wait two months before delivery. You also realize you need to get insurance, pay registration fees, sell your Toyota and so on.

When interviewing job applicants, ask “If I asked you to start on Monday, what would you do?” Some applicants say, “Well, I might not have a car. . .” or “My bird has been sick . . .” A smart job applicant says, “I’ll show up five minutes early!”

6. Is this choice legal and ethical? Is it fair to everyone involved? Will you be proud of your choice in the future? Would you have any problem telling a judge or TV reporter about your choice?

7. What is the probability of success? For example, how many BMW or Acura buyers are happy enough to buy a similar car? How long will the Toyota last?

Estimate the odds of success for each choice if you have no concrete data.

Dorothy estimates the odds of a successful marriage to Bob are higher with her second option, if she has a long engagement, than the other two remaining options.

8. Do I have the resources? Resources include people, space, skill, knowledge, money and time. Do you have the necessary means for each choice?

9. What are the end results? If everything went smoothly, how would each choice turn out? What would the results be? How would it change things in a year or two?

10. What do others want me to do and why? As your choice probably affects other people, you want to know what choice they want you to make. More importantly, why they want you to make it.

Make a list of everyone who is affected and what you believe they want.

You are not asking them to help with your decision, you are merely gathering information.

11. What are the potential gains and benefits? List each of these categories for each choice.

12. What are the potential losses and liabilities? Worst-case scenarios and risks. For each risk, look at how you can protect yourself or your group.

For example, David is considering a major expansion of his hair brush company. He looks at the risks and realizes he could end with too many hair brushes in storage. To protect his group, he realizes he needs to expand his marketing and sales before increasing his manufacturing to ensure he won’t have a storage problem.

Dorothy evaluates the risks of a marriage and realizes a long engagement has a much lower risk of divorce than a fast marriage.

13. What are all the barriers and difficulties for each choice? What gets in the road of each choice. Lack of money? No one else wants it? Not enough time? Fear?

David sees months of hard work to cause the expansion.

Steve sees no difficulties in buying the BMW or Acura, but lists several problems with repairing his old Toyota.

Dorothy realizes Bob might not like the third option of just dating, but would support a long or short engagement.

14. What would be easy and effortless about each choice? Some choices involve no barriers at all.

15. What do I really want? What am I willing to do? What interests me? Which choice turns me on and makes me happiest? Why do I feel like doing it?

This last question is the deal breaker. Interest and enthusiasm are vital to a decision ending up being the right decision.

An okay decision with lots of interest and enthusiasm is more successful than a brilliant decision with no interest or enthusiasm.

You never regret a correct decision. It stands the test of time. A series of correct decisions will build your certainty and confidence. And once those around you learn you are usually right, they follow your lead without hesitation.

Copyright © 2003 TipsForSuccess.org. All rights reserved. Grateful acknowledgment is made to L. Ron Hubbard Library for permission to reproduce selections from the copyrighted works of L. Ron Hubbard. Programmed in the United States.